Friday, November 16, 2012

I Heart Ho-Hos

I just received word from my little sister than Hostess is liquidating and selling off assets:

"Does this mean I will never get to witness you dissecting a ho-ho again???"  She asked.

I've always eaten the chocolate coating, then the cake and cream filling but apparently not for long!

I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.  How did it come to this!?!?!

Twinkies appear to be grabbing the most headlines which is complete bullshit but I'm fine with it as I've already begun to make my case to Jeff to mortgage everything we own and make a bid for Ho-Hos.

"Honey, Hostess is liquidating all of their assets!"  I told him in my best "opportunity is knocking" tone this morning.

"Yea, I heard something about that."  He responded as he took the final bite of his Laura Scudder's Peanut Butter, Organic Strawberry Fruit Spread, and Ezekial Bread sandwich (yes, his freakin' clean eating initiative continues).

"What about my Ho-Hos?"  

"You better stock up now.  You know, those things have a shelf-life of like a decade."  This was an obvious insult to Hostess' over-use of perhaps unnatural or unhealthy ingredients in their fine cakes, which I promptly  ignored.  

"What do you say we make a play for them?"  I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I bet we could put together a competitive bid.  I am already deeply committed to the brand.  It's a natural."

"You're kidding?  Or have you completely lost your mind?"

"Just think about it.  Everything comes around.  Pretty soon we'll be hearing that hydrogenated oils are the secret to longevity."

"I doubt that, honey."

"Do me a favor.  Just think about it."

And I've already done some research.  According to Hostess' data, the company produces 100 million Ho-Hos a year. How is that not a cash cow?  

Plus all the Ho-Hos I can eat?

Move over Little Debbie!