Monday, October 8, 2012

To Skippy, with Love

My palate is about as sophisticated as your average six year-old's.  

If I was stuck on a deserted island and could only have three things, they would be a jar of creamy Skippy peanut butter, a loaf of white bread, and a jar of Smuckers strawberry preserves.  And a jug of 2% milk and a package of double-stuffed Oreos.  I know that is five things but those five items represent everything that I am (kids and husband aside).  They bring me comfort, they bring me joy, the fill me up and they never let me down.  A PB&J and a tall glass of milk for lunch and three double-stuffed Oreos and a short glass of milk for dunking before bed = Nirvana.

Recently, my husband has stopped asking me to substitute these items for healthier alternatives and started begging me.  His work involves cancer research and apparently sugar is cancer's friend, maybe even its close relative.  And Hydrogenated Oils have never been fully embraced by the USDA either, even in the 1950's when people got to sip scotch and chain smoke at their desks.

These really were the good old days...look at all that bread!

So I cut out Oreos more than a month ago.  And I miss them.  And I think they miss me.  We're still friends on Facebook, though.  In addition to tasting great, they are very popular: 28M friends and counting.  They are also quite clever and compassionate.  Witness these recent posts:

Honoring Neil Armstrong
Dancing Gangnam Style

My wholly unsatisfactory replacement: dark chocolate bars with nuts from either Whole Foods or Trader Joe's once a week.  It's not the same.

This weekend, I promised Jeff I would hang-up the Skippy and the white bread.  I recognize I am getting older and even though I am a skinny fat person, I should care more about what I am putting in my body.  This led me to a piece of wheat bread with some Trader Joe's organic, creamy peanut bullshit as a mid-morning snack a couple hours ago.  It was like eating cardboard.  Wet cardboard. 

This is no way to live. 

And this is it.  I have but one vice left.  

Now mark my words:

You can take my Oreos.  You can take my white bread.  You can even take my Skippy.  But give me copious amounts of red wine during the week and the occasional vodka tonic on the weekend or give me death!

(I never saw the whole film but I'm pretty sure it was a jar of Skippy under that wrapping paper)