Endearment

So I made the colossal mistake of watching Terms of Endearment again last night.  I was flipping through the channels after finishing the only new 48 Hours: Hard Evidence that I had left on my DVR and I saw the title pop up on TCM or something.  My brain told me, "No.  You'll cry and you'll cry!"  But my heart said, "Yes, yes, yes!"  It was already 30 minutes in when I pressed the orange "select" button on the DirectTV remote, but it's a two hour plus film so it felt like it was just getting started.  Then again, it may have felt that way because I've seen the movie 70 times. 

I hadn't watched Terms of Endearment since I became a mother myself so surprise, surprise, the tears started flowing earlier than ever before.  And I did something new while watching it.  I killed off every one of my girlfriends with kids one by one in my mind as Emma's (Debra Winger's character) condition worsened.  Sorry, ladies.  If it's any consolation, I took myself out, too.  How about that scene when she says her good-byes to her sons? 

I have never lost anyone close to me at the hands of that horrific disease (the cancer) but three of my dear friends lost their own mothers to it in various forms.  My heart broke over and over for them when the film credits started to roll.  By that time, it was after 11 p.m. and poor Jeff was trying to sleep.  My crying headache was so bad that I didn't know whether to take a Motrin, drink a big glass of water or eat something.  After lying there a few more minutes, I concluded I would go with options A and B followed by a new option.  Option D: write a letter to my oldest, dearest friend Dianne.  She lost her mom to a rare form of cancer when we were 32. 

Dianne entered my life when I was 13 and while I moved about five states away from her when I was 16, Dianne never left me.  We wrote letter after crazed, pubescent girl letter to one another in an attempt to close the distance.  And it worked.  We're still together today while we physically remain five states apart.  I closed last night's letter to her by telling her how much I missed her, per usual.  I also told her that I watched that damn movie again and I cursed poor Debra Winger by name.  I know Dianne will laugh when she reads it.  If your best friends can't laugh through your tears, then they aren't really your best friends.  In fact, they don't even know you at all.  Not like my Dianne.

Because video killed the radio star, I wanted to share a video clip of that heart wrenching moment from the film I mentioned above - that famous, last good-bye between a completely devoted mother and her young sons.  Misery loves company, after all.  Fortunately, I was drawn to click on the third item under my YouTube search first: Shirley Maclaine's "Oscar win" speech for her role as Emma's mother in the film.  If you have six minutes and 40 seconds, I strongly recommend taking Ms. Maclaine's speech for a ride here: Shirley Maclaine Raises The Roof.  If you don't have six minutes and 40 seconds, I've directly quoted 20 empowering seconds from her speech below.

I don't believe there is any such thing as accident.  I think that we all manifest what we want and what we need.  I don't think there is any difference really between what you feel you have to do in your heart and success.  They are inseparable. - Shirley Maclaine

I would be remiss in not posting the name of the author of the book, Terms of Endearment though I realize Larry McMurtry certainly doesn't need the plug after his storied career.  I stumbled upon an article about the auction he is hosting at his used and rare book store Booked Up in Archer, Texas:McMurtryAuctions300,000Books. The auction closes tomorrow.